The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
