He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
