I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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