If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Randomize
