My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
