she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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