Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
