Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
