i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
