I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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