Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize