I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
