i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
operation have a gay friend backfired
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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