rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
