So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
