Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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