Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
