Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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