I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
