youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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