so that wasnt chicken after all
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
