sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
