when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
