we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
