my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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