the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
two words...techno handjob
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
