I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
