He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize