You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
