So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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