I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
