apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
