I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wear drunk well.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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