I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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