If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
