I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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