i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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