so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
