That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
