just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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