drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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