I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
