I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
