Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
