best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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