I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
