So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
