last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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