I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
