I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
