i barfeds in our rink
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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