I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
