All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
